As it is summer, I run into people that I know. Let me rephrase. As it is summer, I run into people who know me. Wait. Let me be more specific. As it is summer, I run into people who know of me. They know that I am my mother's daughter and that I left town for school. And this knowledge, without fail, always leads to the same question(s): 1. How do you like (insert school name because I would rather you all use your imaginations) 2. What are you studying?. It's question 2 that is the problem. I study English. Yep, not business or biology or economics or anything that has "real world application". English. Yes, thanks I am aware that I speak it already. They ask, "What do you do to plan on doing with that?". I still don't have a good answer to this question. I always say something like "I am interested in teaching" when I really want to answer with something much more sarcastic and witty like "I think my English major will come in handy when I take up prostitution ( I have noticed that their is a ever growing difference between Mental Sophie and Real Sophie).
But these conversations always get me thinking, "What do I want?". I am halfway through my college career and I still have no idea. With real life growing closer and closer, I know that I can't keep shoving these unpleasant thoughts of real life aside. But when I do take the time to think (or write about it), the things I want, the things that I am certain about are vague concepts. Maybe this won't get me far, but for know it is good enough.
First off, I want to be or do something I feel for. Something I love, have a passion for. It doesn't help much that I don't know what that is yet, and maybe I will never find it, but I am going to keep looking. It might not be something that is a job, but I want to make it a part of my life. Even if it is just a small part. I know that I am a hopeless romantic and that 90 percent of people don't get dream jobs, but I'm not asking for that. At the very least, just a fraction of my life will belong to something. (Potential ideas as far as Sunday July 24th 12: 30 AM, roller derby, Broadway music, being a superhero, or developing a substance like Nutella but that actually has nutritional value).
Another thing that I know I want in my life is connections. I think we all want to belong to something and have the secure ties. This security is important to us because of the ever changing nature of the world. We count on our relationships. These can be found in friends, family, co-workers, sports teams, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, groupies...whatever you want. I already have some connections that of which I take comfort in. All of the interesting things about me can be found within my family and friends. These connections and relationships are things that I treasure and I have a feeling that I want more of them. I don't know. Should I be satisfied with what I have?
Ok so I just read this over and it sounds like a journal entry. And weird and strange journal entry. So you lucky readers (yes all three of you) get to read my diary. It's ok, I forgive this intrusion of privacy that I forced upon you. If you got to the end of this, I am proud. Your attention span is longer than mine. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this but I had to write it down because if I didn't I knew I would lose it. I only get deep moments like this once in a blue moon so in order to get to know myself a bit better, I decided to write it down. And I don't know why I felt the need to publish it on my blog but I feel a little liberated. It is late and I am going to go now before I reveal anything two crazy. (I had five cookies today). Maybe I am a little loopy but I know that those of you who made it to the end of this already knew that.
